This is not my ceiling
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Randomize
