I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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