I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
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If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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