I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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