ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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