How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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