hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
time to smoke my breakfast
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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