my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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