Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just invented taco cereal.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
