Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
