I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
