i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
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She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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