dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
