Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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