I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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