sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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