I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?