apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
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Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
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Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.