Texts From Last Night

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  (847): View more from Illinois

  All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg

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  (847): All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg http://tfl.nu/5dma
  Replies (3) Good night (1333) Bad night (1760)
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  (516): View more from New York

  You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers

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  (516): You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers http://tfl.nu/mh21
  Replies (8) Good night (930) Bad night (3919)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.

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  (541): I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album. http://tfl.nu/to1v
  Replies (10) Good night (1440) Bad night (3239)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.

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  (501): I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home. http://tfl.nu/r4qk
  Replies (46) Good night (1237) Bad night (4959)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days

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  (973): but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days http://tfl.nu/g4qr
  Replies (20) Good night (3967) Bad night (783)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.

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  (706): I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life. http://tfl.nu/uth4
  Replies (20) Good night (1626) Bad night (4226)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.

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  (214): I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday. http://tfl.nu/w2er
  Replies (24) Good night (2078) Bad night (5206)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.

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  (302): Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children. http://tfl.nu/9yhs
  Replies (3) Good night (3016) Bad night (1085)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944

  (720): View more from Colorado

  and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate

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  (720): i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944 (720): and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate http://tfl.nu/x2vg
  Replies (15) Good night (5705) Bad night (1287)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.

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  (519): Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife. http://tfl.nu/uqm2
  Replies (13) Good night (1564) Bad night (5403)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?

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  (503): I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!? http://tfl.nu/h2a2
  Replies (9) Good night (3424) Bad night (812)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.

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  (405): I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities. http://tfl.nu/i4vg
  Replies (7) Good night (790) Bad night (654)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.

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  (773): Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass. http://tfl.nu/m2gp
  Replies (6) Good night (1454) Bad night (649)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.

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  (406): I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever. http://tfl.nu/7tpa
  Replies (1) Good night (595) Bad night (396)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.

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  (410): I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar. http://tfl.nu/v5eo
  Replies (0) Good night (512) Bad night (249)

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