I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
