I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.