so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.