It's Friday. Sex?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
