i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize