omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's blow job season.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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