Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
