You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
