a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
