just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
she looked like the before picture.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
