A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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