this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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