Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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