you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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