My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize