I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
