She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
