Jerry, you need to find god
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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