True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Randomize
