Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
