If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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