Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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