; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I have feelings that need drinking.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
