I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
