I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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