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I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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