We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
