Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
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I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
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Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
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