my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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