i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
