apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I need water and some morals
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
