we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
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