Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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