Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
