Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He has the fingertips of a God
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
