i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
