allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
