great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
