Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
