I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
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We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
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I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Sorry about my life...
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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