I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
