When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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