I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
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