Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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