She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
