I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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